orientation, disorientation and new orientation

As some of you already know, this past April I resigned from my position as the Director of Worship, Music and the Arts at John Knox Presbyterian Church in Seattle, WA so that I could move to Vancouver, BC and work as the Worship and Music Coordinator for Regent College. Up to this point most of my time has revolved around leading worship in chapel, but I have a new job that kicks into high gear on Monday morning: full-time student.

For the past ten+ years I have worked as a worship leader and musician, and I have been quite comfortable doing so. (And by "comfortable" I am referring to both the good and bad connotations that could be derived from such usage.) The idea of hopping back into the shoes of a full-time student, for the first time in over ten years, fills my heart with a fair amount of fear and trepidation. The pinnacle of this anxiety revolves around beginning my studies in Hebrew. But as the Hebrew scriptures tell us, the fear of the LORD, not the fear of learning Hebrew, is the beginning of wisdom. (Proverbs 1:7) And so I enter into this new phase of life both fearful and trying not to be. If that makes any sense at all.

This kind of inbetweenness reached its zenith during this past week when I both led in new student orientation and went through new student orientation as a new student. As someone who has been both leading in worship and studying the psalms, the word "orientation" instantly triggers my love and respect for Walter Bruggemann.

Bruggemann's categorization of the psalms seems to be the most simple, profound and useful one out there:

"Human life consists in satisfied seasons of well-being that evoke gratitude for the constancy of the blessing." ergo psalms of orientation

"Human life consists in anguished seasons of hurt, alienation, suffering, and death. These evoke rage, resentment, self-pity, and hatred." ergo psalms of disorientation

"Human life consists in turns of surprise when we are overwhelmed with the new gifts of God, when joy breaks through the despair." ergo psalms of new orientation

- from Spirituality of the Psalms by Walter Bruggemann

As the new students at Regent College, myself included, worshiped together this past week, I experienced living into all three of these things at the same time. This past year has certainly been one of the most difficult of my life. While I have so much to be thankful for, I cannot deny that I have experienced so much pain as well. Bryan Burton, my pastor, good friend and old boss, wrote well of this tension in his latest blog post. The call to follow Jesus is a call that requires dying to yourself, and this kind of dying to yourself happens on many levels. (One very tangible way this is currently happening for our family is that we are living in a community house with other Regent students. So far it has been great, but it also represents a transition.) And change is never easy. To quote D.H. Lawrence: 

Do you think it is easy to change?
Ah, it is very hard to change and be
     different.

It means passing through the waters of
     oblivion.

In the midst of the oblivion, one does well to remember that...

God is our refuge and strength,
       an ever-present help in trouble.

Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
       and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,

though its waters roar and foam
       and the mountains quake with their surging.

Psalm 46:1-3, NIV

In an effort to sum up my random feelings on this beautiful day in Vancouver, two days before my 35th birthday, I leave you with the video journey of Christoph Rehage. The longest way is often the best way.

The Longest Way 1.0 - one year walk/beard grow time lapse from Christoph Rehage on Vimeo.

Comments

[haley]

thanks for the update friend. and happy early birthday!

[Bryan]

Brian,

Well said, my aging wise friend. Bruegemann is so dead on with this categorization of life and the Psalms, which is all the more reason Psalms is the worship book of the church and for every Christian. For those of us who do not have a Book of Common Prayer, it doesn't get any better than a daily reading of the Psalms to shape and form you, personally and communally. By the way, Happy 35th Birthday. Hoped to maybe get up there today, but it isn't going to work...I am already missing you sitting in the "infamous" Burton courses at Fuller. Fuller's loss is Regent's gain. Shalom and Grace to you.

[Brian Moss]

Thanks Haley and Bryan!

[Tom Murphy]

Good Evening Brian,

Not sure if you've heard of Sons of Korah yet, but you should check them out www.sonsofkorah.com.

They are a bunch of Seminarians from Australia putting the Pslams, verbatim NIV (more or less), to song.

Great to hear you're back in school. I'm headed to Seminary next Fall myself. Going to Redeemer Seminary in Dallas, TX.

On the side, I've also been putting together life application podcasts (memory passages, psalms, hymns, biblical songs, and meditation pieces together) to apply weekly in my walk with the Lord. You're edition of the Doxology from Jude is how I begin and end each session. Thanks for your faithfulness to the text!

Grace and Peace,
Tom Murphy